Overcoming Failure: The Journey to My Best Portrait

When you hear the word “Strength”, what’s the first image that pops into your head…

• That gym bro with tree trunks for arms? 
• Your dog's teeth when he/she is playing tug of war and you’re clearly not winning?
• The girl who could bench you and barely break a sweat?

Jokes aside, I think a lot of us attach strength to being physical abilities and attributes, which isn’t wrong of course but it’s also not the only form it takes. 

There’s a common thread I’ve noticed in my recent work that tugs at the idea of visually representing what we don’t see, what isn’t on the surface but is no less worthy of acknowledgment. To be honest, I didn’t notice this until a few days ago, but that subconscious choice has actually shaped the trajectory of the next phase of work I'll be getting stuck into soon. 

In this case, it’s the strength of your mind. 

“Solas” is the most gentle and feminine drawing I personally think I’ve ever done. But the portrait you see now is a full 180 from the original idea. My first try was a much moodier composition with a hooded figure protecting the glow of a candle. When that attempt didn’t show enough promise I tried again. Trial and error is part of the process so this wasn’t unusual. I obviously love when the first attempt works but if it doesn’t it’s not a big deal. I'll have learned something and generally the second attempt goes pretty smoothly. 

This was not that. 

This was disaster 2.0.

…Maybe even worse.

I remember walking into the studio the following morning  and thinking, “Well that definitely isn’t it.” I just knew something vital was missing. The mood was off, nothing was coming together… I couldn't feel the piece. I couldn’t see her coming into focus. 

So with just one sheet of black paper left (a supply order was needed) I decided to accept defeat and pick a different tactic. After scouring for some new reference images, I had a new concept and plan of action an hour or so later. Initially I didn't want to do a front-facing portrait, I like to try out different angles, but after the previous disaster(s) I decided it might be best to stick with simplicity. 

What happened was shocking. I mean that no less dramatically than it sounds. Believe me, I was shook.

In the space of just a couple hours I could already see her clear as day and was ready to start in on some details. Let me tell you that was unheard of for me. I spent days drawing Misneach. Days. The larger page adds more time not just because it’s bigger, but the extra space means there’s also no room to hide. The structure matters, proportions have to be on point or it’ll stand out in all the wrong ways and there’s so much more room for details, which I have to try really hard not to get lost in because I love that part so much. Also, Solas is actually bigger than the others and occupies far more surface area. 

She all but flew onto the page. It was this almost bizarre experience of feeling like she was supposed to. The previous idea I had wasn’t the right fit. Yet somehow this gentle girl, so different from the other portraits in the collection, was exactly right. 

A feminine, gentle soul who draws you in with her bright, sparkling eyes - A light that refuses to be dimmed by the shadows, a quiet defiance that doesn’t scream but instead stills you in its piercing stillness. 

It’s a force unlike any other. It is a strength that comes from the heart.